Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
