I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
