it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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