apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
