I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
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Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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