i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
