That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize