I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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