PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We are two peas in an std pod
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
