So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
