my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
