I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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