And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
