I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
sarcasm needs its own font
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
