I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
