nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
