3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
