i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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