it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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