Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
