drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
