Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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