I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
