just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
