im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The feeling are messing with the penis
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
