I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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