They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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