Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
