one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
