I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
