At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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