Can i not drive my cunt home
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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