My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
