Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
