im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize