Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
