GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
