I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
