dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
