Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
