She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My ATM looks so different sober.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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