Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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