my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
