Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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