she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
