you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
