When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
