i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
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