She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
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I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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