Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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