I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
