I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
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" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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