I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
