Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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