either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Someone signed my nipple.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
