About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
