Someone shit on the floor
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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