I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
