I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
