I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
