Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
splinters make it hard to masturbate
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
