i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
