isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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