Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
