I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
