He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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