I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
