I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
drinking out of a sandbucket again
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
