I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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