____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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