i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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