A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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