i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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