We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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