I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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