I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
