my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
is wine microwaveable?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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