At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
