I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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