Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
